^^^This is Doug. Follow him on Twitter (@levzilla).^^^
While he’s not the most exciting guy on the face of the earth, here are ten things you might want to know about Doug:
- He dreamed up the idea for Gothic Doctor. Literally.
- He can flip twenty quarters from his elbow to his hand.
- He teaches high school English by day.
- Right now, his favorite tabletop games are Whodunit, Cards Against Humanity (with the expansions that his wife and brother-in-law created added in), rummy, and Tontine.
- Right now, his favorite video games are Plants vs. Zombies, Puzzle Quest, and Fallout 3. (His wife is addicted to Peggle, which he has also been known to play.)
- He has always imagined that he’ll die from a bear shooting him full of eye-lasers, probably in Guam. Never underestimate Guam.
- He is married. Sorry, the majority of ladies and a small but not-to-be-delegitimated amount of guys.
- He eats oatmeal every morning from either the skulls of his fallen enemies or a plastic cup with Captain America on it.
- He is unable to control his sarcasm. This has been proven by a series of brain scans and psychological evaluations.
- When he cries, the heavens cry with him. He cries a lot.
20 Questions with Doug
1. What is your favorite classic monster?
Mr. Hyde. Hands down. Everyone thinks that he undergoes some grotesque physical change, but he doesn’t. The potion just lets Dr. Jekyll’s evil side out – and it’s unclear (at least it was unclear to me when I last read it) if there’s anything about the potion that does that at all…
2. If you were a tree, what would your favorite TV show be?
LOST. In the early seasons, the banyan tree is a great role model for saplings: strong, kind, protective, yet silent. Still, though, the show would still be suspenseful: how many trees will die this episode so that the Smoke Monster can storm through The Island?
3. What’s wrong with your face?
That’s a sticker.
4. Why aren’t you a better person?
A series of self-made excuses indicative of my entitlement from my prep school education.
5. Did I see you on the news?
Yes. The squadron of moles are expected to make a full recovery. All of them.
6. How many paperclips can you hold in your mouth?
7. How long does a hug have to be for it to get awkward?
Depends who’s hugging you. Someone you don’t know well at all: about two seconds, but only if you just met them and you’re saying goodbye after a very nice first meeting. A casual friend: three to five seconds if you haven’t seen them in a while; otherwise, why would you hug a casual friend? A close friend: the sky’s the limit. Just let it happen. Let. It. Happen.
8. Would you rather have an elephant-sized gerbil or a gerbil-sized elephant?
The latter. I would name him Irwin.
9. Which poet do you like more – 2pac or Baudelaire?
Baudelaire gave us Le Spleen de Paris and, probably, the entire emo movement. If there’s no Baudelaire, there would never have been a Fall Out Boy. Take that as you will.
10. Have you ever had a close encounter with a marsupial?
Yes, once. There were no survivors.
11. Favorite Crocodile Dundee movie?
12. Who is your favorite superhero and why?
Nightcrawler. He looks totally badass, he’s misunderstood by the public, he’s a master swordsman, and, most importantly, he has the best super power: teleportation. I wish I could teleport. God, I wish I could teleport.
Havok, of course, is also a personal favorite.
13. Which do you like better, nouns or verbs?
Verbed nouns (e.g., “Man, I just got oragamied in the face,” “You’re going to want to un-moron that essay”)
14. What’s your favorite word?
15. What’s your favorite pre-historic sea creature?
16. If you were a balloon, what color would you be?
17. Boxers or briefs? (Personally, it doesn’t matter to me. But being a sex symbol, I’m sure the women want to know.)
Mohammed Ali was great, but nothing beats a good amicus curiae.
18. In an epic rap battle, who would win: you or Gregor Samsa?
Samsa is in touch with the rawness of human experience in ways that I will never be.
19. When you told me you bred sarcastic chinchillas, were you kidding?
<a chinchilla raises its eyebrow from behind a pair of Ray Bans with no lenses>
20. I want to go into business with you. Do you have any other projects I can work on with you? If not, will you help me with a TV show idea I have: Most Dangerous Game: Celebrity Edition?
Meltdown Games is not currently looking to take on any other partners right now, but rest assured, John and I are already tossing around ideas for a new game. Uh, actually, we have four good ideas right now – we’re just letting them fight with each other to see which one slays the others and proves its worth. And about the TV show, I would love to be a part of that if I can be the host. I assume that the celebrities would be the game; if so, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and we’ll talk. My participation will be contingent on specific celebrities being included in the, err, cast.