About John


^^^This is John frozen in Carbonite. Follow him on Twitter (@rockthemanhawk).^^^

While John is a lot more interesting than Doug, he’s also super-duper shy. So, he suggested Doug to respond to the questions for him.


Doug didn’t feel like doing that, so Doug made his wife answer them instead.


Ten things you might want to know about John:

  1. He can grow facial hair through sheer force of will.
  2. He’s more of a man than Doug. 
  3. He is a freelance video editor by day.
  4. Right now, his favorite tabletop games are Pandemic, Marvel’s Legendary, Cards Against Humanity, Dragon Delta, Settlers of Catan, War on Terror, Chrononauts,…
  5. Right now, his favorite video games are Assassin’s Creed (the series), Bioshock (the series), Tomb Raider (the reboot), Borderlands (the series), and above all else, Batman: Arkham City.
  6. Right now, his favorite television shows are Firefly (forever), Arrow, Young Justice, Fringe, Supernatural, Futurama, The Walking Dead…
  7. He has always imagined that he’ll never die – he’ll just return to the Force.
  8. He believes that mornings are for sleeping, days are for working, and nights are for  actually getting stuff done.
  9. He has an entire toolshed in the trunk of his car.
  10. He sits through the credits at the movie theater – if the movie has earned it. 


20 questions for John

1. What is your favorite classic monster?
I’d say one of the Brides of Dracula, but how can you choose just one?
2. If you were a tree, what would your favorite TV show be?
Probably not “Arrow”…
3. Why aren’t you a better person?
Lack of sleep.
4. How many dice can you hold in your mouth?
I’ll roll 2d20s +3d6 to find out. 
5. What is your preferred brand of razors?
My beard can only be cut by a blade composed of an admixture of pure adamantium and diamond.
6. How many funny T-shirts do you have and what is their average condition?
Enough that when all piled together, they create their own gravitational field. The atmosphere there makes it virtually uninhabitable. 
7. Trash can lids: do you prefer the kind with the thing you put your foot on or the kind with the swinging lids?
The ones with the foot-operated lid.  I like to pretend that I’m an angry T-Rex as I throw things away.


8. Legal pads: yellow or white?
Post-it notes – they are the right shape to be folded into origami.
9. How long does a hug have to be for it to get awkward?
Just ask Doug.
10. Would you rather have an elephant-sized gerbil or a gerbil-sized elephant?
An elephant-sized gerbil. His name would be Hannibal. 
11. Have you ever had a close encounter with a Monkey?
No – but they’ve had close encounters with me.
12. Favorite Crocodile Dundee movie?
I see you’ve played knifey-spooney before. 
13. Who is your favorite superhero and why?
Wolverine. Healing factor, Heightened Senses, Canadian….
14. What’s wrong with your face?


15. What’s your favorite word?
True. “What” is my favorite word. How did you know?
16. What’s your default large number?
17. What’s your favorite pre-historic sea creature?
Livyatan melvillei.  
18. If you were a balloon, what color would you be?
Blue. Or possibly Green, if I were ready. Or Purple, if I was Samuel L. Jackson. 
19. Peanut butter: chunky, creamy, or deathly?
Choosy Johns choose (creamy) Jif.
20. Boxers or briefs? (Personally, it doesn’t matter to me. But being a sex symbol, I’m sure the women want to know.)
Both, at any given time. 

Have another question? Ask us anything. We’ll either answer or we won’t.


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